The sponsor thing

A woman I've spoken to at several meetings has invited me to have dinner before the Monday women's meeting. I feel like I've been asked to prom, hee. She's very kind, this person, and I have a good feeling about her. She seems wise. But I--freakish loner that I am--hadn't asked her for her number or otherwise pursued contact. So I am feeling fortunate.

I'll get better about that, I hope. Meanwhile I'm grateful that J has reached out to me.

(I've met two other Js at meetings who strike me as significant people, so this is likely to get confusing. May have to devise a system.)

Anyhow, my alcoholic date brings to mind a question I've been asked over and over lately: "Do you have a sponsor yet?" Sponsors are neither friends nor therapists but seem to perform certain functions of both. As a newcomer, you are supposed to get yourself a sponsor--some people say immediately--so that this individual can help you work the program and thereby stay sober. When you have a sponsor, it's much harder to get away with a half-assed approach to recovery.

I haven't asked anyone to sponsor me yet. This is partly because I'm a freakish loner but mainly because I'm terrified of choosing poorly--my judgment has, after all, come into question of late--and winding up with someone I can't work with well. (I've been secretly hoping for a lightning-bolt moment or at least a serendipitous coincidence that might "reveal" the right sponsor for me. I think this just proves my point.) So, in consultation with E, I've taken a slowpoke approach to this aspect of AA.

Whether J proves to have sponsor potential or not, it's nice to consider the possibility of a new friend. I haven't made many friends here--hmm, why would that be? Oh, right: because I'm a freakish loner! Which I am mostly at peace with, this post notwithstanding. Guess I'm just grappling with the impact of extreme introversion on my recovery. Fortunately, I've spotted many others of my kind in meetings, J among them. Once again it's good not to be alone.