Day nine

Doing okay but too tired to write much. Last night I found a wonderful women's meeting. This is good: I need women friends and do not need romantic entanglements. I wish they met every day, but it's only once a week with occasional other events. Still, there are other women's meetings here and there, so I'll visit them too.

This morning I saw the therapist (E) for the second time. Still like her. She made the observation that addicts tend to have a core of shame--not just about their addiction; it's more of a broader issue that helps to drive the development of the addiction in the first place, which then reinforces the shame. Bad cycle. She also observed that I'm hard on myself (true). Her experience is that people who successfully recover tend to be those who work on the shame thing along with their other issues.

I can see that. I see a link between this problem and my need to become anchored within myself, not external things (drinking, relationships, etc). My brain is a fairly painful place to inhabit much of the time because I'm a bit short in the self-love department; that makes anchoring within the self a particular challenge. Obviously we'll be revisiting this subject. For now E says she wants to focus on continuing to stabilize my situation & building support for my sobriety.

Another major lesson of today pertains to the Higher Power thingie. But it's complex, my energy is failing me, and I have a feeling it will still be on my mind tomorrow, hee. The nutshell version is that I need to be patient, yet another thing I am not.

On the domestic front, the pets are settling in nicely. My mom's little dog, who had never met a cat until I picked up Baggins from my ex-house yesterday, is behaving very respectfully. Baggins has swatted at him only once. Truman, meanwhile, is having a grand time now that he has a canine playmate. Mom putters around figuring out where we're going to put my furniture. I am encouraged to alter the decor in my room. It is all pretty nifty.