Day eleven

I spent much of today packing stuff up at my ex-house, trundling it up to Mom's, and unpacking etc. I don't have a fitting analogy for the experience. Sometimes being there (this was my third trip since we broke up) has been horribly sad, but today I was furious. In fact, I don't even want to write about it. Feels poisonous.

Anger isn't inherently poisonous, I know. But how to deal with it constructively is one of those life skills that I never quite picked up along the way. Yet another task for the Recovery Project.

I have to go back there just once more, on Saturday, for the furniture. Meanwhile, my life is about meetings, domestic tasks, time with the pets, reading, and hanging out with Mom. It's very simple, very narrow, and probably exactly what I need for another couple of weeks. Sometime around then I imagine I'll outgrow this new haven in certain respects, if not in others. But as I heard in a meeting yesterday, if you have one foot on yesterday and the other on tomorrow, you're pissing on today.

Eww. But aptly put. I want to heal and grow so quickly; I keep looking toward the future and losing my sense of the present (which gets in the way of the growth, grrr). I need to focus on the next right thing, which right this minute is to read, attempt to converse with the GS, and go to sleep.