Agnostications

I don't understand why I had to go looking for the Higher Power. If it's real, why is it not more readily apparent to us poor, miserable humans? Wouldn't it want us to know about it?

I've heard various arguments about this question. For example:

1. God IS readily apparent, but we are so dense [or drunk or sinful or obstinate or selfish etc] that we miss the signs. (This strikes me as one of AA's common answers, based on the reading I'm doing.)

2. God is just a slob like one of us--i.e., not omnipotent--and therefore has way too much to handle to make personal unsolicited visits to every human on the planet.

3. The pain we experience in our isolation from God is a necessary part of our growth as individuals; therefore my complaint is unfounded.

4. God is beyond comprehension, remember? Maybe someday we'll understand. In the meantime, just [obey, go with the flow, be grateful, etc].

5. It's all Eve's fault. Haven't you ever read the bible?!

None of these answers satisfies me.

I am ready to state, though, that God/Higher Power is indeed apparent to me in the stories I hear at AA of transformation and growth and healing. In fact, at the moment I feel I'm being kind of obnoxious in trotting out this tired old question--that I should simply go with some amalgam of #1 and #4, stfu about it, and get on with the business of recovery.

But then I think of all the pain that could be eased if--again assuming the reality of God--we could experience that reality without doing mental contortions or going against what appears to be logic or intellect.

Eventually I come back to #4, but a less directive version of it. Something like this: You aren't going to know why during this life, honey. You can let your frustration keep you away from what you need, or you can decide to accept that the Universe doesn't operate on your terms.

In a way that decision is analogous to choosing whether to accept my alcoholism.

Whoa. That's kind of cool.