Today I attempted to socialize with people who didn't know I'm an alcoholic. Yet another first. The situation was one in which a bit of drinking (on their parts, I mean) could have taken place, but it happened not to. That is probably good, as I was filled with longing just sitting in the hybrid bar/restaurant. I'm generally pretty shy, and alcohol always helped me through the anxiety that comes with meeting new people. Today I had to rely on other resources.
It went reasonably well. I was not a scintillating conversationalist, but I didn't need to be. I was affable, albeit in a quiet way, and that sufficed.
On Thursday I'm leaving town for a few days for a much bigger challenge: my brother's "wedding," a fancy, formal, New York version of his actual wedding, which took place a year ago in a park in Tucson with several dogs among the guests. There will be several family events at which alcohol is likely to be present, plus the post-wedding brunch. I'm not afraid that I'll drink--I can work my program anywhere, and I'll be attending meetings while I'm there. But I guess I'm afraid of the brutal awkwardness that will almost certainly ensue at such gatherings. I'm not going to drink over such a thing, but I can't help but foresee a bit of agony.
Nodding off at the keyboard again. Bedtime.
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