Day 141

This evening marked my first "pink cloud" experience--that blissful, floaty happiness that bathes me in the joy of sobriety--in what seems like weeks. Here is how I obtained it:

1. Accepted something (in this instance, financial mistakes of the past and my current inability to haul ass in the arena of money-earning) that I cannot change.

2. Asked myself: This being the case, how shall I proceed? (i.e., What's the next right thing?)

3. Began to do that thing (working on options for the finances), felt a tidal wave of relief, then went to a meeting. My better self emerged by the time I got there, and I was able to contribute in a meaningful way and help another alcoholic.

That's a pretty simple process, but it's relatively unfamiliar to me. I get stuck in the dwelling place, not a homelike one but a despondent one. Very dangerous territory. I end up feeling so sorry for myself that i can't identify with anybody else, much less extend myself in a helpful manner. Lately I've sometimes found myself sitting in meetings and picking them apart in my mind, generally in an inauthentic way that mirrors and reinforces the resentment of the hour. Then I feel worse, and so on.

This method seems a bit more functional, yay.