Day 161 (??? need calendar)

Kind of a rough 30 hours. My dog was attacked by another dog yesterday while I was walking him. He's going to be okay, but he has some injuries and we were both traumatized by the experience, to put it mildly. Right now we're staying at my mom's; my kitty remains at home so as to minimize the dog-cat stress as Truman mends a bit.

Life keeps happening, in short.

I can't claim to have done a splendid job of coping so far. In the last 24 hours I have eaten a quart of ice cream and half a pizza, among other things, lost myself in that stupid solitaire game for I don't know how many hours, watched a great deal of football, and done no work at all. Today being Recovery Day I hadn't really intended to work, but after yesterday's distractions (vet trip and so forth) I needed to. I just couldn't.

E asked me last week if I could give myself a year to just work the part-time job and heal and not worry about much else except maybe some creative work if I felt like it. I could've maybe kinda almost managed that if I'd stayed at my mom's, but for reasons well covered here I went another direction. And it's mostly good that I did. I just have to step up or do that bootstraps thing or something of that sort. I used to be so good at that, at least where work is concerned.

[Insert transition here.]

Astute readers--as I am sure you all are--will have noted that when I wrote a couple of posts ago about what I do when tempted to drink, I didn't mention prayer or other forms of conversation with the Great Mystery. Right now I'm renewing my attempts to connect with That during my quiet time in the mornings and evenings, but I see those efforts more as a sort of tapping into positive energy than as prayer or communion with a deity. I still don't picture the godthing reaching down from on high and saving me from taking a drink, so I can't imagine asking it for that kind of help. I do try to remember to feel and express gratitude every day for my sobriety and many other things, which I realize may sound a bit contradictory. (I don't ask it to give me stuff, yet I thank it for the stuff I have?) But it's not a "thanks-for-giving-me-this" gratitude; it's an "I-feel-so-grateful-to-experience-this" gratitude. Not the same. At least not in my twisted and very sleepy mind.

Those of you who do talk to the Great Mystery are nevertheless invited to put in a word for my dog. He's a good boy, and if I have my theology wrong he really shouldn't be penalized.