Reframe

I've been wrestling a bit this week with accepting the things I cannot change, as the prayer goes. There's a health thingie and an interpersonal thingie that have thrown me for a loop and a half, and the best I seem to be able to do is distract myself from them for a while via obsessive playing of Spider Solitaire. (Multiple addictions, anyone? Hee.) Serenity, in short, is lacking.

My brain is programmed such that, when this kind of struggle arises, it responds by berating itself for not being more mature at this juncture of my recovery. And it's true, I have a long way to go in this area along with all the others.

But tonight I'm reminding myself that in the not-so-distant past, either of these situations would have sufficed to justify plenty of numbing via alcohol. At least now I'm truly here, in the thick of things, showing up for my life and feeling the accompanying emotions without chemical assistance. I'm not living in full acceptance of what I can't change, but I'm not obliterating it either. That is progress. And as the Big Book says, "We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection."

Check that out. I'd better go to bed while I still feel mildly successful!